I’m not sure when it happened exactly, it feels like it was a long evolution. One day I realized that I didn’t know who I was anymore. Don’t get me wrong, I wasn’t depressed, I didn’t actually feel lost while it was happening. I had simply been so caught up in building a career and being a good wife and mother that I lost my identity.
Along the way I would catch a glimpse of that loss. Someone would ask me “So, what do you do for fun?” and I would fumble awkwardly through a response that probably contained phrases like “well, I have kids” or “life has been really busy lately.” I would strategize how to answer the question without actually answering the question. I needed an excuse to cover up the fact that any free time I had was spent taking care of my family, catching up on a few favorite TV shows or sleeping. I knew that many of my friends and family had hobbies and interests but I never seemed to have time for it. Besides, I didn’t even know what I would do, even if I did have the time.
Over the course of the past few months, I found myself feeling restless. Something just didn’t feel right, I didn’t want to be defined only as a wife and mother with a corporate career. Starting a month ago I went on a quest to find blogs written by people who were searching for their purpose, who knew how to get the most out of life. I wanted to find myself and I hoped I might find inspiration from someone who knew who they were and what they wanted and could tell me how to get there. This was a casual exploration, I figured I’d follow a few blogs and read about other people’s lives and maybe I’d read something that would help me figure out how to fill the void. Then I joined the local library and checked out over 20 books in the span of 2 weeks. It’s been a busy month and I’ve learned more about my life, my motivations, my relationships and my goals than I could have imagined.
I’m on a path to living a more simple life with less “stuff” and more experiences. I’ve embarked on a short term bucket list challenge to discover more about myself and my interests. I’m focusing on my financial independence and making plans to retire early. I’m bringing my husband along on the journey and growing closer to him every day as we work together to shift our focus to the important things in life.
So here I am, taking a leap into a different kind of life. A life that rejects the assumptions we make, the propaganda our society uses to tell us how life is supposed to be lived. I’m becoming a non-conformist and living a more intentional life in the pursuit of financial independence and greater happiness.